Recharge Your Relationship in One Weekend (part II: Your Sex Life)

Sunday: Your Sex Life

Don't Just Maintain — Nurture

When you start a new relationship, your focus is on nurturing your sex life. You're learning about your partner's body — what he likes and doesn't like — with beginner's lust fueling your curiosity. If you're like most couples, once you think you've got each other figured out, you move from nurturing your sex life into maintaining it. Six weeks into your relationship, the proportion is around 80 percent nurturing to 20 percent maintenance. Six years on,it's more like 0 percent nurturing to 100 percent maintenance.

To keep sex good long-term, you have to continue to nurture. This means putting thought and energy into sex — like you did in the beginning!

• Take turns with "sex spoil sessions." Every fifth time you have sex, one of you spoils the other with things you know your partner will enjoy. (Note the emphasis on what your partner enjoys, not what you enjoy.) This might be as simple as giving him a gloriously thorough working over with your tongue — or involve you packing a picnic to head off foralfresco sex.
  

• Take a sexual inventory. Write suggested sexual activities on two sheets of paper, then each of you rates them from hot (would love to try) to warm, lukewarm and cold. Add your own, but choose from things like spanking, role-playing, semipublic sex, tie-up games, blindfolding, talking dirty, anal sex and watching or making erotic films. When you're done, make note of the activities that scored high(-ish) for both of you. Try one every two weeks or once a month.

Turn Your Bedroom into a Sex Den

Sex in your average bedroom is a yawn. Sex in an erotic, exotic playroom is sexier than that recurring fantasy of your favorite celebrity walking into your bedroom just as you're reaching in that bedside drawer... You get the picture. Some essentials:

• Soundproof it for kids/roommates/your mother when she comes to stay. Heavy curtains and carpets soak up sound. If you're deadly serious, install sound-insulating board on any adjoining walls. A lazy but still effective optionis to put in a sound system or radio. Music masks all sorts of happy noises.
  

• For the most flattering lighting, light from below or at eye level. Dimmers are the next best thing and can match whatever mood you're in. A simple, quick fix in the meantime: Put tea lights on saucers on the floor (keep them a safe distance from bedcovers or enthusiastically thrown bras, knickers or boxers).
  

• The simplest thing is to add mirrors to wardrobe doors so they can be angled to provide good views of the bed. Even sneakier: a full-length portable mirror, which you can move into whatever position grabs your fancy at the time.
  

• Everyone needs a special drawer within reaching distance from the bed. Fill it with massage oil, stockings and scarves for tie-up, sleep masks from your last plane flight to act as a blindfold, lubricant, condoms, erotic books or movies, sexy clothes, vibrators and other sex toys.
  

• A firm mattress makes for better sex. Clean, fresh, good-quality sheets lure you to lie naked on them. Cushions are a must for putting under hips, supporting limbs or making other places around the house sex-friendly.
  

Recharge Your Relationship in One Weekend (part I: Repairing Your Relationship)

Do you have a great love life that's just become a bit stagnant? Give me one weekend. Follow my relationship advice, and you can say goodbye to the blahs. With these six simple steps, we'll give that love life — and sex life! — a boost into relationship bliss.

Saturday: Repairing You Relationship

Get Real

Okay, I have to start with some very tough love, and you're not going to like it. But this is a fact: Your relationship will have the best chance of survival if you let go of your romantic illusions. I'm not saying relationships can't be romantic long-term, but — brace yourself — most of the time they're not. What confuses us is that the same partner that excited us in the beginning can now leave us bored stupid! It's this longing for the past that causes problems in the present.

Most relationships start with a heady infusion of intoxicating hormones: You're in a bubble built for two, and there's a feeling of oneness. Over time this extreme closeness would be suffocating, but at the start it feels bloody marvelous! We want that feeling to continue forever, and when it (inevitably) doesn't, we jump to this conclusion: We've picked the wrong person. But that isn't necessarily true. This happens to every relationship eventually. (Yes, even yours.) Real love is about leaving this fantasy behind. It might have felt like you were much more in love at the start than you are three, four or more years on, but it's actually a figment of your imagination. Real, long-term intimacy happens when the initial flush of hormones subsides. Only then are you able to see each other as you really are — and a deeper, more satisfying, realistic love replaces the romantic one.

Talk about this together, then make a pact to not expect the impossible from each other. Once you agree to be realistic about your expectations of each other, the relief is enormous! You'll feel like a weight has been lifted — I promise.

Find Out Who You're in Love With

Lots of couples talk to each other. Few listen properly and without judgment. This exercise teaches you goodprinciples for both. It's also designed for you to get to know your partner as he is now, as opposed to how he was when you first met. That was probably the last time you allowed each other to talk uninterrupted, without making a comment or silent judgment about what the other was saying!

I've written the instructions of how it works from the perspective of the person doing the listening. And yes, this will have to be you at some point, so grit your teeth and volunteer to go first! Now, I'm going to be Ms. Bossy Boots for this one and insist you follow the rules, or it simply won't work.

• You each get a turn to talk to the other for half an hour — no more, no less.

• When you're talking, you can only talk about yourself, not about your partner or the relationship. Focus generally on your emotions, your needs, what you've learned from books or films, your friends, your job, what you like about yourself, what you don't, how you're enjoying life and how you're coping with life's struggles.
  

• You're not allowed to interrupt or even comment on what's been said. Your job is simply to listen and try to understand the person talking.
  

• Watch your facial expressions and body language. Nod supportively. Say, "Uh-huh." Smile encouragingly. Sitting there sulking or with a thunderous expression is going to thwart the whole exercise.
  

• If you really, really, really must comment on something your partner's said, wait a full 24 hours. Then, if you still can't help yourself, you're allowed 10 minutes max. One other catch on replying: The comments can only be positive. If you think there's a problem, for instance, outline it quickly, then spend the rest of the time talking about possible solutions. For example: "Your comments about your close friendship with your female coworker have made me realize we need to discuss boundaries," rather than, "I can't believe you've been spending so much time with Anna without telling me, you miserable bugger."
  

• After doing this exercise, don't be surprised if you both feel a little unnerved. You've probably just discovered things about your partner you didn't know — and that's why you feel slightly nervous. Who is this person? You thought you knew him inside out! What a shock, eh? But after all, you don't own each other and can't control how you both feel. Relax and go with the uncertainty. Taking your partner completely for granted is what kills most relationships. It does both of you good to not feel 100 percent sure of each other.
  

• Repeat this session once a week for a month, and you'll find you start to listen properly without it having to be a structured exercise.
  

Get Exactly What You Want

Another classic relationship mistake: assuming that because your partner loves you, he knows what you need to be happy. Sadly, love doesn't magically transform us into mind readers, so we rely on the next best thing: We assume that what makes us happy will make our partner happy. That, as you can imagine, predictably leads to unmitigated disasters. He gives you tickets to the playoffs for your birthday along with the latest Nintendo game. You give him an inspirational
self-help book and dinner in a romantic (read: stuffy) restaurant. To completely guarantee a life of misery, we take this warped thinking even further. We assume that if our partner doesn't behave the way we would in a particular situation, he doesn't care about us. Cue typical couple arguments about things like anniversaries (some people place importance on them, others don't) and chatting up your best friend (seen as charming her by one, flirting by another).
But happily, there is a way to fix this sorry situation. It's called being clear about what you both want. Sounds easy enough, right? Here's how it works:

• For the next month, you take turns having "me" days until the month is up.

• On each of your "me" days, you get to ask for something you'd like from your partner that makes you happy. It migth be something as simple as asking him to please pick you up on time, massage your shoulders while you're watching telly or hold your hand while taking a walk.
  

• Clearly state what you'd like your partner to do, giving as much detail as possible. The idea is to get into the habit of asking for what you need and want in order to be happy, instead of expecting your partner to second-guess.
  

• Pay attention to what your partner asks for. Write down what he's requested, and you'll have a list of his real needs and wants, rather than what you think he wants or doesn't want.

In the next post you'll read about what you shoul do at Sunday: Your Sex Life

Big kiss against heart disease!

Give your honey a big kiss! New research shows that love guards against heart disease - women's number one killer.

The catch: Only women in happy twosomes get this better-than-a-pill protection, says San Diego State University psychologist Linda C. Gallo, PhD, who tracked the health and happiness of 493 women for 13 years. Using blood tests, Gallo found that women with the luck, skill, or emotional fortitude to have created highly satisfying marriages were simply in better health.

They exercised more, smoked less, and felt less frazzled. As a result, their cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, and body weight--the big heart attack risk factors--were lower. They also felt less depressed, anxious, and stressed.

Top happy-marriage factors: time together, communication, good sex, and financial compatibility, plus shared lifestyle, personality type, and interests.

"It's clearly worth nurturing your marriage - in ways that make you feel happy - for the sake of your own health," Gallo says.

The best romantic present to your wife or husband

Romantic love poem personalized for your husband or wife. Touching way to show how much you care. Makes a unique love poem gift for an anniversary or birthday gift.

Choose between 2 poems. Poem for a husband to give to his wife or the poem for a wife to give to her husband. Personalize with names, photo and optional date.

Poem to Wife from Husband

To My Wonderful Wife

(Name)

How do I begin to tell you how lucky I am
to have you in my life?
I'll start by saying what a gift you gave me
the day you became my wife.

You're my best friend in the good times
and my rock in times of sorrow.
You're the reason for sweet yesterdays
and my promise for tomorrow.

I never thought I could feel this loved
until you became my wife.
You made this year and every year
the best one of my life.

Closing Example
Love always,
(Name)

(Optional date)

Poem to Husband from Wife

I Love You
(Name)

How do I begin to tell you how lucky I am
to have you in my life?
I'll start by saying what an honor it is
for me to be your wife.

You're my best friend in the good times
and my rock in times of sorrow.
You're the reason for sweet yesterdays
and my promise for tomorrow.

I never thought I could feel this loved
until I became your wife.
You made this year and every year
the best one of my life.

Closing Example
Love always,
(Name)

(Optional date)

10 Ways to Make Marriage More Romantic

1. Be loving in your words - just saying 'I love you' isn't always enough. Expand beyond just three simple words. Share your thoughts, your dreams and your hopes. Don't just focus on the negative aspects of a day, focus on the really profound and fun moments. Listen when your partner shares those things with you.

2. Be demonstrative towards your partner - it's not enough to just assume that they know you love them. Show them through small ways that you do. A little note tucked into a place where they can find it. A five minute back-rub, a single flower picked from the garden and a simple homemade dinner that you took time to prepare.

3. Have a care with your appearance - too often married couples stop feeling the need to look good for their partner. Don't be self-concious, but do not take an indifferent attitude towards your appearance. If you don't care what you look like, your partner may find it difficult to care about it as well.

4. Be Gentle - Communication is 70 to 80% non-verbal. A lot of how we communicate is not found in our words. Touch is a primary human sense and through gentleness, we can show how much we care. Imagine the lightest caress that you would favor on the cheek of a baby, feather light, it still conveys affection.

5. Make Time - You're busy, your partner is busy, everyone is always rushing somewhere. There are always a dozen things to be done, the dishes, the laundry, the errands and the kids, the kids take up tons of time. You don't have a lot of time. You can't afford to not make time for your partner, however. Whether you set aside a date night every week or an hour before bed every night. Make the time that's just for the two of you. You can talk, watch a movie, or share the same sofa, curled up together while reading different books.

6. Be Corny - Corny as traditional gestures like flowers and chocolates at Valentine's, candlelit dinners and sensual music when you're feeling romantic there is a reason they are corny - because they work. They help create a romantic atmosphere.

7. Do the Unexpected - Be unpredictable now and again, do something that will sweep your partner off their feet. Bringing home dinner from a favorite restaurant, doing an annoying chore, get up early and let them have a morning to sleep in or hire a babysitter and take them out to see a movie they are really interested in seeing.

8. Play - Do you remember that you and your partner used to enjoy just hanging out and playing together? Find an activity that the two of you can just hang out and enjoy. Whether it's going bowling, riding horses, taking up ice-skating or learning to roller blade. You don't have to do something extremely expensive, just take pleasure from the moment.

9. Walk Down Memory Lane - Did you do something remarkable somewhere together as a couple? A first restaurant you shared a meal at? A first movie? A place that is special? Take a swing by and reminisce - sometimes just thinking about those feelings can bring them back to the surface.

10. Take Up Something New - An adventure shared is a wonderful thing. Discover something new together. Is there something you've always wanted to try, like ballroom dancing? Scuba diving? Take the plunge together.

Trickle-Down Parenting:Your Marriage and Your Toddler

Did you know that according to marriage experts the first major crisis in many marriage relationships is the birth of their first child? With all the stresses of caring for a toddler, it's easy to see why trouble could erupt. To keep your marriage out of crisis, several things need to be considered.

Who's Your Baby?

I heard Joe Beam say the following at one of his Love, Sex, and Marriage seminars: "Why is the birth of the first child often the first crisis? Because mama has a new baby."

Before her child's birth, her husband was her baby. She woke up early to cook breakfast for him before he left for work, she paid close attention to him to ensure he was happy and comfortable and she planned her schedule around him. But when Heather's new baby, Tanner, was born, she altered her focus almost entirely.

When Jason got home from work, Heather hardly noticed. After a hard day of changing diapers, cleaning spilled milk off the carpet and listening to Tanner cry, her nerves were shot. Her exhaustion carried over to the bedroom, where the two hardly made love anymore.

Though Jason loved his son, he occasionally had feelings of resentment toward him.

What could this couple possibly do? They certainly should not ignore their child. But they should decide to ensure that they remembered their vows to each other.

Jason and Heather recommitted to making sure the other felt fulfilled and happy. They decided to reserve one night for the two of them to relax at home or go out for dinner. That night, a baby sitter whom they trusted would keep Tanner. Also, during Tanner's daily naps, Heather would nap. This way she could catch up on some of the sleep she lost from nursing Tanner during the night. After work, Jason prepared supper for Tanner and fed him while Heather cooked their supper. The two noticed a significant drop in stress simply because they refocused on each other.

Unity

After some time passed, Jason and Heather had raising a baby down to an art form. Though it was very hard work, they both felt a sense of pride in being parents and had renewed feelings of closeness and warmth for each other. However, the eye of the storm gave way to disaster when Tanner became a toddler.

Tanner learned that occasionally Jason gave in more than Heather. When Heather would put Tanner in bed for the night, Jason would often allow him to get in their bed. Heather did not like the loss of intimacy that resulted in Tanner sleeping in their bed and didn't appreciate Jason ignoring the rules she made for Tanner.

As Tanner began to learn he could go to "daddy" for a "second opinion," he would cry to Jason after Heather had said, "no." One day, when Heather went shopping, Jason kept Tanner. Tanner began asking Jason for a marker so he could color. Both Tanner and Jason knew that Heather did not allow Tanner to play with markers, but Jason didn't think it would hurt anything.

When Heather came home to find the walls covered with scribbles, she was very upset. Jason hadn't noticed that Tanner snuck away from him.

The little guy had learned to manipulate Jason and Heather in order to get what he wanted. It wasn't because he was a bad little boy. It was simply because two-year olds live life only to please themselves. He would grow out of it in time, but until he did, Jason and Heather would have to set some more guidelines in order to protect their marriage and to help Tanner mature.

They decided that they would determine rules together. And if one of them set a rule for Tanner to follow, that rule would stand simply because of the loyalty that existed between Jason and Heather.

It didn't happen overnight, but Tanner learned that "mommy and daddy" were united in parenting. If one said "no," the other did as well. This was difficult, but Jason and Heather were determined to be as focused on each other as they were on being parents.

It Takes A Good Marriage To Be Good Parents

Though it might not seem to be the case, statistics tell us that children in homes with parents in strong marriages are more successful, mentally stable and have more self-esteem on average than children in homes with parents in weak relationships.

In our make-believe scenario, everything worked out nicely for Jason and Heather. That isn't always the case. Therefore, I can't stress enough the importance of focusing on your marriage relationship just as much as you focus on good parenting. By working to improve your marriage, not only are you helping yourself, you are helping your children.

If you have a son, he needs to see his father treat his mother with compassion, respect and love. If you have a daughter, she needs to see her mother treat her father with the same compassion, respect and love. Not only will it help them in the future, but it provides them a pleasant home enviroment and a healthy attitude toward God's institution of marriage.

So practice the "trickle down effect" with your family. The good things in your marriage will usually trickle down to your children and, hopefully, to their children and generations to come.

by Lee Wilson

A happy marriage is good for your health

A happy marriage is good for your health, doctors have confirmed. A new study shows that people who marry are much more likely to live longer than those who never tie the knot.

The findings come amid a backdrop of research which shows that married couples tend to enjoy healthier and happier lives than single people.

Previous studies have suggested that a solid marriage can add up to five years to a person's life.

According to the latest research carried out in America, a stable and surviving marriage is strongly associated with a longer life expectancy.

In contrast, those who go through life without ever marrying have a far greater chance of dying young.

Those who are widowed, divorced or separated are also more prone to an early grave.

Doctors from the University of California say men who never marry are more vulnerable than women who remain single throughout their life.

And bachelors between the ages of 19 and 44 are more than twice as likely to die than their married male peers of the same age.

Professor Robert Kaplan, who led the study, said: "A variety of studies have shown that unmarried adults have a higher probability of early death than those that are married.

"Accumulated evidence suggests that social isolation increases the risk of premature death."

The findings are based on national census and death certificates of nearly 67,000 adults in the USA between 1989 and 1997.

In 1989, almost one in two of the sample were married, and almost one in 10 were widowed.

About 12 percent were divorced and three percent were separated.

Of the remainder, five percent were cohabiting, and one in five had never been married.

Unsurprisingly, old age and poor health were the main causes of death during the eight-year period, but a surviving marriage was also strongly associated with a longer life.

After taking into account age, state of health, and several other factors likely to influence the findings, those who had been widowed were almost 40 per cent more likely to die between 1989 and 1997.

Those who had been divorced or separated were 27 percent more likely to have done so.

But those who had never been married were 58 percent more likely to have died during this period than their peers who were married and still living with their spouse in 1989.

The study, published in the British Medical Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, found that for the younger age group, the main causes of death among those who had never married were infectious disease such as HIV.

Among the middle aged and elderly, the main causes were heart diseases and long-term illnesses.

Researchers say that people who marry have the advantage of being "socially connected", and suggest that never marrying may be associated with more severe isolation.

Prof Kaplan added: "Our study raises a series of new questions.

"Firstly, we found that having never been married is a better predictor of poor health outcomes than either divorce or widowhood.

"And secondly, the impact of social isolation is not constrained to the elderly."

When to Marry for Money

Surprising title, but good advice:

In these early days of summer, a young man's heart turns to thoughts of wedded bliss. OK, maybe not. But perhaps it should. Yes, folks, I'm advocating marrying for money (but in a good way). Romantic? Perhaps not. Practical? You betcha.

Two heads are better than one

Let's consider just a few of the advantages of soldering on the proverbial ball and chain.

First and foremost, it's the right thing to do. Pay that visit to Tiffany (NYSE: TIF)-- or better yet, save a buck or a few hundred by buying your lady a rock from Blue Nile (Nasdaq: NILE) -- and you won't just make her the happiest girl on Earth. You'll put an end to the ceaseless carping and nagging ... that she's been enduring from her mom asking when you're going to propose. (What did you think I was going to say?)

A happy home ... is cheaper than two

Two people living apart incur nearly twice the number of bills of two people living together. Two apartments means two sets of monthly cable, phone, and power bills that must be paid every day both apartments are rented -- even when you're at her place or she's visiting yours. Sure, sometimes people "need their space," but the cost of heating, cooling, and lighting separate spaces can add up to hundreds of dollars a month.

Other costs can't be cut exactly in half, but there are still savings to be had from merging your households. Look at cell phone bills, for instance. After the honeymoon, you'll each almost certainly want to carry around separate cells. But as a married couple, you can sign up for one of the "family plans" offered by most cell phone providers. In my experience, two cell phones on one family plan can easily save $10 to $15 per month.

The same holds true for larger appliances. Two households require two washers, two dryers, two microwaves, two stereos -- you get the picture -- to be bought, maintained, and replaced over time. Under a single roof, all of these costs are cut nearly in half.

Speaking of one roof ...

Let's assume two people are living in separate apartments. Tying the knot and moving in together under one roof can yield significant savings -- even if the new place is larger than the two old ones combined.

According to the rate sheet from my old apartment complex, depending on the floor plan, two people moving from separate one-bedroom apartments to a single three-bedroom apartment, would save anywhere from 18% and 44% on their combined rent. Depending on where you live and the going rate for apartment rentals, on top of giving you more space to live in, sharing a roof can easily mean hundreds of dollars in savings each month. (In the examples I looked at, the savings worked out to between $400 and $1,200 per month.)

Money matters

There are even more ways to save as a dynamic duo. Consider the advantages of joint banking and investment accounts. Banks often pay higher interest rates on accounts with bigger balances. Sure, you could earn and save more, but that's easier said than done. A faster, more frugal way is to combine your separate treasuries in one joint account.

The situation is similar in brokerland, where a battle rages for market share among major online brokers such as TD Ameritrade (Nasdaq: AMTD) and E*Trade (NYSE: ET). And although they fight like cats and dogs to steal any of each others' clients, the battle really heats up -- and gives you opportunities to save some major moola -- in the contest to woo the holders of the biggest investing accounts.

This is America, after all, and bigger is considered better. So the bigger your investing account, the more perks these companies will throw at you. With accounts worth $10,000 or more, account holders are usually able to avoid monthly maintenance fees. At the $50,000-and-up level, discounted commissions are a common perk. And once you cross the $100,000 line, money managers like Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) will slash their commissions so low, it'd make the "discount brokers" blush. Wells Fargo (NYSE: WFC) will let you trade for free once your account hits $250,000.

Listen to your heart, young Fool -- and your bank account. They're both singing in unison: "It's a nice day for a white wedding."

Source: "Marry for Money" by Rich Smith, published at The Motley Fool.

Five Pretty Good Jokes about Marriage

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

---

A doctor and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. The doctor gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone.

Again irritated the doctor says "what took you so long to answer the phone"? She says, "I was in bed".
"In bed this late in the day, doing what?" "I was getting a second opinion" she replied.

---

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

---

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

---

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

What Identifies a Happy Marriage?

By Paula J. Wart

Psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein studied 50 happily married couples to discover what, if anything, they have in common. She identified nine “psychological tasks” shared by the couples. Other psychological literature suggests similar essentials found in healthy marriages.

• Leave the family of your childhood so you can give yourself 100 percent to your marriage. This doesn’t mean you ignore your parents, siblings and the like. It means you no longer relate to them in the same way, though. You redefine your connection to them in terms of your marriage.

• You create a new identity of “us” – “building togetherness based on identification, shared intimacy and an expanded conscience that includes both partners, while at the same time setting boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy,” says Dr. Wallerstein.

• Enjoy a healthy sexual relationship, not allowing work, children or other family obligations intrude.

• Do not place your children before your spouse. If you have children, the tendency is to put their needs first. While you need to embrace parenthood and raise your children to be safe and healthy (physically, mentally and psychologically), your children benefit greatly by seeing a healthy marriage. Your marriage is the fundamental relationship in your family, remaining long after the children are grown and gone.

• Tackle the problems, conflicts and crises that will inevitably arise throughout your marriage. Ignoring them won’t make them go away.

• Draw together through adversity. When problems arise, don’t turn on your spouse or withdraw to handle it alone. Your marriage should be a safe place to express your opinions and needs. It should also be a safe place to talk about your differences, what makes you angry and what brings you pleasure. Then, as a team you can work on comforting each other or overcoming adversity. By working together to overcome the conflict or weather the crisis your marital bond will be strengthened.

• Laugh often; even being silly sometimes. Humor helps keep things in perspective and keeps boredom at bay.

• Look for the unique way only you have to encourage and support your spouse. When you nurture and comfort your spouse you strengthen healthy interdependency.

• Throughout your married life you will change and so will your spouse. Happy couples adapt to those changes, while keeping alive the romance and remembering whom they fell in love with.

These nine functions are seen in healthy marriages. They’re not so much a “to do” list to be hung on the wall and strictly followed.

Living a happy marriage

I have talked with happily seasoned married couples and without exception, five things seem to be the key factor to a beautiful marriage.

Men and women are as different as night is to day, which might be why it takes alot of time and effort to make our marriages work. The vital key to every successful relationship is friendship. It sounds simple enough, but don’t be fooled. A strong friendship with your significant other doesn’t just happen. It demands hard work. Part of that work involves avoiding some common pitfalls, which can dampen your ability to like the one you love.

Communication

For some couples this is the hardest part of their marriage. Some people complain of nothing to talk about. While others do nothing but complain to each other. It’s a destructive circle meant to be broken. If you and your husband don’t normally converse it may be difficult to engage in. Try setting some time aside in your hectic schedules to communicate. If you can’t find anything worthwhile to discuss, chat about anything that comes to mind. Even if it seems trivial or silly. Eventually you shouldn’t have to search your mind for things to say, words will effortlessly flow through your lips. Then, the two of you will be able to reacquaint yourselves with each other and renew the magic that was once shared.

Idealism

Idealism is when you perceive your spouse to uphold an image untrue to his character. When he fails your perception of him, you begin to feel distraught. Idealistic people tend to examine their mate’s faults through a magnifying glass. Not only are you miserable because your spouse falls short of the image etched in your mind, but also he probably has self-doubts and may feel like a failure in your eyes. The problem here is a relationship is being built on unrealistic expectations. How long do you think it will take before you both begin to resent each other? I believe it’s never too late to try and alter our attitudes towards the one we love. The first step is to admit that nobody is perfect and to come to the realization that you are unable to change your spouse. Then choose to look for the positive aspects he has to offer. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

Romance

Who says romance is dead and gone? I believe romance is an important expression of love between two people. It’s the unspoken words of passion. I’m not necessarily speaking of those delicious, sultry nights under the covers. Even though there is nothing wrong with letting your spouse know you want him and showing him how desirable you think he is.

You can say I love you without uttering a word. I’m talking about life’s joys. The little pleasures you can bring to your beloved is worth a thousand kisses in the most exciting places. Being romantic isn’t hard to accomplish. Sometimes it requires creativity, but don’t let that scare you. There are never-ending possibilities to bringing romance into your lives. For example, one day I opened my car door and found a stuffed toy ladybug with a note attached which read "I hate to bug you, but will you forgive me for acting like a jerk?" Needless to say I forgave him. A favorite of mine is sending my husband love cards or enjoying a picnic by moonlight. The point is to find your own level of romance and watch the sparks fly.

Thankful Heart

Sometimes it is difficult to actually have a thankful heart. Being thankful doesn’t come naturally. But with our stubborn human nature, we more readily take things and people for granted. Everybody longs to be noticed and appreciated, especially by the ones they care most about. How awesome this world would be if everyone had the feelings of being valued and loved. Unfortunately, due to the decay of our society, this is impossible. As individuals, we do hold the power in our hearts to show appreciation to those we love.

A fresh Vision of Your Marriage

Each marriage goes through different seasons with distinct challenges and blessings. Recognizing these challenges and blessings gives perspective on your marriage. Nothing last forever. Life changes and we grow.

But, your marriage won’t completely blossom unless you water it with love and forgiveness. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of faith and our hope for revitalized relationships. Without love and forgiveness we can expect our marriages to wither away like a dying flower.

Source: http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/relationships/blissmarr.php

Happy marriage 'helps fight flu'

Happily married people are more likely to fight off flu effectively, research suggests.

Conversely, the virus may be more difficult for those who are recently bereaved or divorced.

A team from the University of Birmingham found that stressful life events had an effect on the immune response to the annual flu jab.

This immune response is thought to be a good indication of the body's capacity to fight back against the virus itself.

The Birmingham team examined levels of antibodies - produced by the body to combat disease - in the blood.

A higher increase in antibody levels indicates that the body's immune system is better primed to fight off infection.

People who said they were happily married had much higher levels of antibodies in the blood than those who reported lower marital satisfaction.

Those that had suffered a bereavement in the year prior to vaccination had a poorer response than those who had not suffered bereavement.

More than 180 people aged over 65 from surgeries across Birmingham took part in the study.

Jabs important

Participants gave a blood sample prior to vaccination, then further samples at one month.

They also completed questionnaires to gauge exposure to stressful life events.

Lead researcher Dr Anna Phillips said: "We know that those aged over 65 are more at risk of the impact of flu.

"But this research shows that within that group, those that have been recently bereaved, or those that are single, divorced or widowed are more at risk that those who are in a happy marriage.

"It is especially important for these at risk groups to get their flu jabs.

"We would like to take this research further, to see whether interventions such as bereavement counselling or marriage counselling can improve the immune response in at risk groups."

Dr John Moore-Gillon, president of the British Lung Foundation, said: "Many things can affect the immune system, and this research suggests that the state of someone's mind may be one of them.

"It's always difficult to completely exclude the possibility that it's actually factors like subtle alterations in nutrition which are responsible for the differences seen in the immune responses.

"But the research certainly shows that we need to try and understand more about how the mind and the body interact in both health and disease."

FLU

• Flu is estimated to kill several thousand people in the UK each year

• 10-15% of the population develop flu each year

• 100,000 flu particles can be projected into the air with just one sneeze

• In 12 hours, the flu virus can invade 1 million nose and throat cells

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4417428.stm

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